Pre-marriage, how involved should your partner be in the key decisions you make as a person?

Do you even have to ask for permission for anything? On the assumption that you do, to what extent does their veto power go?

The ideal relationship has two people loving on each other, living their best lives and involving each other as much as possible every step of the way. So it is not unusual that at every point when a key decision is about to be made, there’d be an involvement of one's partner in such decision-making process.

The question that needs answering now is this: does a partner just assist and support you in making that decision, or do they have the power to say no to your decision when it negates what their opinion on the matter is? Remember, you are not married yet.

Ideally partners are known to always include each other in their lives and to care about each other's opinions [Credit: Verily]
Ideally partners are known to always include each other in their lives and to care about each other's opinions [Credit: Verily]
Department of communication

To know what the answer to this is, one needs to consider the realities and stage of the relationship in question. Are you casually dating that partner or are you involved in a serious relationship? Even if you are seriously dating, how long has it been, how far has it gone?

Can you say with enough certainty that this person is marriage material or you’re not even that sure of their character yet?

It is on premises as these that appropriate answers are best proffered.

Casual dating

It actually goes without saying that if you are dating someone casually, there’s a limit to their investment in your life. And logically, their involvement or control over your decisions should not be anywhere near major or significant.

The decision to pursue your life's dreams as you see fit is yours. Do you. [Credit: Spiritual Singles]
The decision to pursue your life's dreams as you see fit is yours. Do you. [Credit: Spiritual Singles]

I mean, it is difficult to imagine that while making a decision on whether or not to pursue a post-graduate degree abroad, one would consider the contrasting opinion of his or her friends-with-benefits partner with the same intensity as would do if it were one’s fiancé.

ALSO READ: Here are 7 things you can do to help a partner's esteem issues

Serious relationships

On the other hand, when you are dating seriously, engaged or on the way to doing so, the need to involve your partner in life-altering, significant decisions and take their differing opinions with seriousness becomes a bigger, more important issue.

However, there are gray areas.

Men cheat, women cheat but women forgive more than men do [Credit: Muswada]
Men cheat, women cheat but women forgive more than men do [Credit: Muswada]
Muswada

As much as you want to give them a place in your life, to involve him or her as much as possible and take their opinions and feelings into consideration, the decisions on matters of your life still remain yours. You are not married yet, and the chance of things going south is still very much there, even if minute.

Let's paint a scenario based on the possible decision to take a desired job in another state. If you are offered a job, or say, a huge promotion that would require you to move to a different location and your partner and you reached an impasse over this, what would be the ideal thing to do?

Would you be expected to lay low and simply acquiesce to their demand to reject the job in order that for the relationship to stay afloat?

I think not.

It is best to ask yourself and answer dispassionately; if tables were reversed, would this person put his or her life on hold in such great manner as I’m being asked to do for them?

Some decisions are pretty hard to make. And when you get to that stage in your relationship, you have to know how to do it right. [Credit AK Accelerator]
Some decisions are pretty hard to make. And when you get to that stage in your relationship, you have to know how to do it right. [Credit AK Accelerator]

Until you are officially married, sacrifice is optional, really. And as much as sacrifice is advisable, once you consider the sacrifice too much, then don’t do it.

You can’t put your life on hold to further a relationship in which you’ll end up being miserable. If you do not take that opportunity and none comes afterwards, you’ll blame that partner for life and that obviously would affect your relationship with them.

In the end, you may end up losing both – your chance to greatness and that relationship.

If you really want it, go for it. Whatever good thing excites your spirit and joy-fills your should, go ahead in its pursuit and do not let any man or woman impede you on that journey.

Relationships are meant to better people and propel them to better, greater levels. Once yours seeks to stunt your growth, break out of it.