10 Signs a Man Is Going Through a Tough Time

17 November 2025 at 17:12

Dorcas Agambila

Depression does not always look like overwhelming sadness or visible despair. For many men, it shows up in subtle, unexpected ways that can easily be mistaken for personality changes, stress, or simply “having a bad week”.

Because society often teaches men to appear strong, composed, or unemotional, many struggle silently, masking their pain behind behaviour that doesn’t resemble what most people associate with depression.

Understanding these quiet signs is essential, not only for the men experiencing them, but also for the people who care about them.

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How to know a man is going through a lot

1. Irritability Replaces Sadness

Instead of crying or appearing downcast, a man may become unusually quick-tempered or easily agitated.

This can be a sign that the individual is externalizing painful feelings like despair or worthlessness, and it's important to seek professional help if these emotions are persistent or overwhelming. Addressing the underlying mood disorder or stress is key to managing this symptom effectively.

10 Signs a Man Is Going Through a Tough Time

2. He Becomes ‘Too Busy’ for What He Once Loved

Activities that used to excite him suddenly feel exhausting or pointless, but he blames it on having “no time”.

The person may stop making time for friends and family, not because of a sudden increase in their schedule, but because they feel emotionally distant or lack the desire for social engagement

3. His Health Starts Showing the Stress

Unexplained aches, stomach issues, fatigue, or headaches can be physical manifestations of emotional strain.

When an individual's health begins showing signs of stress, it manifests through a range of physical, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral symptoms. Chronic stress can lead to serious health conditions if left unaddressed.

4. Overworking Without Real Productivity

He may bury himself in work yet accomplish little, using busyness as a shield from his feelings.

Overworking without real productivity, often called toxic productivity, can be a sign of high-functioning depression or an unhealthy coping mechanism to avoid underlying issues. While the individual may appear busy and productive on the outside, their actual output is diminished due to impaired cognitive function, and the behavior often exacerbates mental and physical health issues.

5. Laughter No Longer Comes Easily

Jokes, playful teasing, or shared memories no longer spark joy the way they once did.

"laughter no longer comes easily in depression" is generally accurate, as a loss of interest and pleasure in previously enjoyed activities (a symptom known as anhedonia) is a core diagnostic feature of depression

The primary reason laughter becomes difficult is anhedonia, which is the inability to feel pleasure or enjoyment from activities that were once pleasurable, including humor.

6.He Says He’s ‘Fine’ — but His Behaviour Doesn’t Match

He repeats “I’m fine” as a default response, even when everything indicates otherwise.

This often manifests differently in men than in women due to societal expectations around masculinity. Instead of expressing sadness, men with depression may exhibit behavioral changes such as anger, irritability, reckless actions, social withdrawal, and physical symptoms.

7.His Sleep Pattern Becomes Erratic

Sleeping far more than usual or barely sleeping at all are common indicators of underlying depression.

Sleep disturbances are among the most common symptoms of major depressive disorder, affecting as many as three-quarters of patients. Insomnia (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or early morning awakening) is the most frequent symptom, found in up to 80% of individuals with depression.Hypersomnia (excessive sleepiness or long sleep durations) occurs in about 40% of young adults with depression and 15% to 20% of depressed patients overall.Irregular sleep-wake cycles (constantly changing bedtimes and wake times) can also increase the risk of depression and worsen mood.

8.Increased Drinking or Risk-Taking

Alcohol, reckless driving, or impulsive decisions may become unhealthy coping mechanisms.

often as a form of self-medication or a manifestation of generalized agitation and poor judgment. This is particularly common in men, who may exhibit anger, irritability, or turn to substance use rather than expressing sadness.

9.Social Withdrawal

He slowly distances himself from friends, family, and activities, preferring isolation.

This withdrawal can worsen the depression, increase feelings of loneliness, and negatively impact both physical and mental health. It is a key feature of depression and can be a symptom that persists even after other symptoms have improved. Characteristics of social withdrawal involves;

Avoiding contact: Staying away from friends, family, and colleagues.

Canceling plans: Saying no to social invitations and commitments.

Neglecting interests: Losing interest in and participation in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyable.

Reduced social interaction: Having minimal contact with others and isolating oneself at home.

10.Downplaying His Struggles

He insists “it’s nothing” or “others have it worse”, minimising his own pain.

This behavior can have serious consequences, as it often delays professional help and can worsen symptoms over time. Reasons for Downplaying;

DepressionStigma and Societal Expectations: Traditional masculine norms often discourage men from expressing vulnerability, leading to a fear of being judged as "weak" or "lazy".Denial as a

Defense Mechanism: Minimizing or ignoring emotional distress can be a subconscious way to shield oneself from overwhelming feelings.

High-Functioning Mental Illness: Individuals may appear stable and successful on the outside (high-functioning depression), making it difficult for others (and themselves) to recognize the severity of their internal struggles.

Fear of Burdening Others: A person might believe their problems are not bad enough compared to others or worry about being a burden to friends and family.

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Misattributing Symptoms: Men, in particular, may experience depression through physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, or irritability, which they might attribute to stress or physical ailments rather than a mental health condition.

What You Can Do, If this describes you

Depression is not a weakness or a personal failure. It is a legitimate medical condition, and seeking help is an act of strength. Speaking to a GP, a mental health professional, or someone you trust can be a crucial step towards feeling better. You deserve support and understanding.

If this describes someone you care about

Reach out. A simple statement such as “I’ve noticed you seem different lately, and I’m concerned about you” can open an important conversation. Offer concrete help, help them make an appointment, accompany them if they’re anxious, or simply sit with them without judgement.

Depression in men is far more common than many realise, and there is no shame in experiencing it. What is harmful is suffering in silence. Real courage lies not in hiding the struggle, but in allowing someone to see it, and accepting the support you deserve.

If a person's depression is severe or potentially life-threatening, contact a health care provider, a mental health provider or emergency medical services.

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Dorcas Agambila