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In a world where mental health challenges are increasingly common, men are often quietly struggling under the weight of anxiety, depression, and stress. Recent estimates suggest that one in six people experiences a mental health issue in any given week. Yet, many of us remain unsure of how to respond, often saying the wrong thing without realising it.
Sometimes the signs of mental distress are obvious, while other times they are subtle. According to the Mental Health Foundation, it is not always necessary to diagnose the problem—what matters most is responding with sensitivity.
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“It is more important to respond sensitively to someone who seems troubled than to find out whether or not they have a diagnosis,” the foundation advises.
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Even well-intentioned words can unintentionally hurt. Friends and family, hoping to be supportive, sometimes minimise the person’s experience or offer advice that does more harm than good.
What should never be said to a man enduring extreme stress;
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1. “I went through the same thing when I…”
Relating your own struggles can feel empathetic, but it can also make the person feel like their pain is being compared or competed against.
“It is really not a competition. When someone wants to open up, other people coming in with their own stories can feel like a challenge rather than support. Just bear witness to their pain and let them know you are there for them.
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Wait for them to ask about your experience before sharing. Simply listening often matters far more than offering your own stories.
2. “You’re just looking for attention.”
Never accuse someone of seeking attention. Mental health struggles are not always visible, but that does not make them any less real.
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If we have empathy for physical illnesses like cancer, but why do we often withhold it from those suffering invisible conditions? Depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, these are real problems, not bids for attention.
3. “Just exercise.”
Exercise is beneficial, but telling someone to simply exercise ignores the emotional and physical barriers that stress and depression create.
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When people are deeply depressed, they often feel incapable of even basic tasks. Simply saying ‘exercise’ is dismissive. It can make them feel guilty for not being able to improve instantly.
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Senior man in exercise room
4. “When the pain is gone, everything will be great.”
Pain can become part of a person’s identity. Suggesting life will immediately improve once the pain lifts may create confusion or fear about losing that sense of self.
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People often think about who they are when the pain disappears. It is more supportive to stay by their side through the struggle, rather than promise a perfect ending.
5. “Am I not enough for you?”
Statements that shift the focus onto yourself can burden someone already dealing with severe stress.
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Nothing may ever feel enough when someone is in a mental health crisis. Asking this adds guilt and pressure.
6. “Suck it up.”
Encouraging someone to simply push through their pain ignores the complex emotional realities they face.
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We are not purely rational beings; our emotions drive us. Telling someone to ‘suck it up’ or ‘think positive’ is ineffective. Depression is not something that can be willed away.
7. “How did you get into this situation?”
Avoid blaming language or questions that suggest the person caused their own stress.
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Pain does not discriminate. Asking why someone feels this way is punitive and unhelpful.
8. “Snap out of it.”
Frustration may tempt you to urge someone to quickly recover, but this can alienate them further.
Instead, offer options for control over their situation and support them in taking small steps toward recovery.
9. “Cheer up.”
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Men struggling with stress may not respond to traditional sources of happiness.
Depression changes how someone views the world. It isn’t negativity, it’s realism. Simply saying ‘be happy’ does not help.
10.“I feel so sorry for you.”
While sympathy feels natural, it can inadvertently diminish their agency.
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Focus on the part of them that is still fighting—their inner warrior. Treating them as a victim keeps them small. Recognise their strength rather than reinforcing a sense of helplessness.
Supporting a man under severe stress requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Listening without judgment, avoiding platitudes, and focusing on their resilience can make all the difference.
You don’t grow a jungle in a tiny pot. Give someone the space and recognition they need to heal and thrive.